Do you ever feel like something great is about to happen? I've felt that way for years.
And as each year goes by, I've slowly seen signs, and listened closely. Not every sign was pleasant. In fact, most of it was quite painful. But I kept listening, and it would get me to the next step.
Every time I've reacted strongly to something, I couldn't chalk it down to being super emotional, or dare I say, crazy. If anything, it served as a shining beacon to my path of self-discovery. If 2012 had a theme for me, it was the year of "Change and Healing".
2012 was an interesting year, an emotional rollercoaster as we all like to call it. It taught me a very important lesson about how big a part fear played into my life, but not in the way I thought.
I seemed to be more scared of things actually staying the same, rather than the unpredictability of it all.
I was more scared that I was playing it too safe, rather than taking risks.
I was more scared that I was listening to everyone else's opinions of how I should be living my life, rather than trusting my own instinct.
When life shifted that October in the hospital, so did my whole perspective. Though the initial response would be to see this as a obstacle, I saw nothing but good things about to happen, as painful as the process was.
Life was once again giving my stubborn Aries mind a sign, to not be afraid. That pain is temporary, and that wounds...physical or emotional...They heal. That it is fear that makes the pain worse.
I've learned that most of the pain I had dealt with was due to
letting myself be in situations where I allowed it to happen to me. And I've learned that sometimes we inflict the pain on ourselves because maybe deep down we believe it's what we deserve. But we don't. As a matter of fact, we deserve more.
I've also learned that being an optimist doesn't mean being oblivious to the darkness of life. As a matter of fact, it needs to be acknowledged, so that we can learn how to bring more light.
I've learned that if you don't like a situation you can't change, you can change your attitude or how you approach it. It's something that been said for years, but it doesn't really mean anything unless you've actually lived it.
I've learned that it is human nature for people to be looking out for themselves, and there is no reason you shouldn't be doing the same. There's nothing wrong with being selfless. But if you find yourself going out of your way for others rather than taking care of you, you're not doing anyone (especially yourself) any favors.
I'm not saying that the end of year ended with me being a perfect person. I don't think that's ever possible. However, I am definitely more happy with myself than I was at the beginning of the year. I made it a point to start making changes in my life even before the new year began. And it didn't necessarily work magically, or right away. The process is always an awkward, embarrassing mess. But I never, ever regret going through the first step. Or anything at all for that matter.
2012 may not have been the most pleasant. But it was definitely one of the most important.
And I'm ready 2013. To listen and learn even more.
